Redeemingcarolyne's Blog

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Cake and Cat Poop February 2, 2011

Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 7:07 pm

This past Saturday I took my daughter to a wonderful Mother daughter tea hosted by our local Christian homeschool group. I expected to have some great fellowship, maybe meet some new like-minded people,  my daughter would get to know some other young girls, & I would learn how to better raise up my Dita in Christ. Apparently God had other plans!

Our speaker was Stacy McDonald and I was really excited to hear her speak as I  revere the message that she and her husband represent. Their love for the Lord, their understanding of the  roles of a man and a woman, their Holy marriage, and for raising their children as God has instructed them. So much to learn and apply from them!

Right from the start of Stacy’s first talk my ears were on fire. Ya know when everything the speaker says pretty much applies to you-CONVICTION! Here is a powerful list she shared with us:

How to Tear Down Your House in 12 Easy Steps.

• Be hyper critical of your husband and children & nag them constantly (men especially love this!)
• Ignore the housework
• Put your husband down
• Be unfaithful & untrustworthy (Prov. 31:11-12)
• Be careless and sloppy about your appearance
• Be lazy and carelessly spend money
• Gossip about your family
• Use your tongue as a weapon
• Refuse to submit to your husband
• Be covetous of what others have
• Disrespect your husband to your children
• Watch soap operas and fantasize about how much kinder, attentive, and romantic other husbands are.

No sooner had the first arrow pierced my heart then the second one, and the third, and they just kept comin. I am guilty of at least 9 sometimes 10 of the above steps and I really didn’t like hearing it!

Then as if that wasn’t enough I heard some words that I hadn’t really heard before, a contemptuous wife . As I listened to her describe what a contemtuous wife looks like I just started wrestling with God saying’ “Oh, Oh, Come on Lord really? Me? Oh my!”

I looked up the meaning in the dictionary and was even more convicted at what I found.

Contemptuous means showing or expressing contempt or disdain; scornful.

Listen to its synonyms: disdainful, sneering, insolent, arrogant, supercilious, haughty.

And for the ultimate arrow to my heart the antonym of contemptuous is RESPECTFUL. Did you hear that? A contemptuous wife is a disrepectful wife in her ultimate form. Ok, mercy Jesus I am hearing ya.

Here is my confession: I am such a contemptuous wife and I have been for probably all of my marriage.

And I wonder why all my great and wonderful efforts have not produced the sweetest of fruit? Why, I have been a good wife, at times a great wife and still my marriage has remained friutless. I put forth a righteous and great effort with my children and yet at times we seem so far away from the goal.

It would be like me making you the best and most beautiful birthday cake you could ever dream of. Then I bring it to with a big pleased smile on my face just waiting to see your joy. When you look down at the cake your eyes miss all the beauty because they can’t stray away from the piece of cat poo poo right in the middle of the cake. Doesn’t matter how wonderful or how much effort I put into the cake, if it is tainted by a cat turd on top of it isn’t worth ANYTHING and ALL MY EFFORTS & INTENTIONS ARE WORTHLESS.

Wow! Cake and a cat turd pretty much just summed up most of what I have been struggling and wrestling with for years!

It doesn’t matter if I am married to the most amazing man in the world or Ivan the Terrible, my contemptuous behavior is a reflection of ME. A rather ugly reflection I might add. This doesn’t excuse or justify a husbands “bad behavior” it just holds me accountable for me regardless of my circumstances.

God has more than convicted me and it didn’t feel so good, but at the same time I know this will lead to a deeper understanding, healing, & change; if I listen to His truths. I have printed out this list and now have it taped to my kitchen cupboard so I can continually remind myself where I am no longer willing to go!

Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.

Is that the kind of wife you want to be? Not I Lord, not I.


14 Responses to “Cake and Cat Poop”

  1. Cathy Geiger Says:

    Great words Carolyne. We can not change another’s behavior, we can only change our own. May you be blessed today and serve Him with great joy and love.

    • Aren’t we always so quick to look to others as being wrong, but not ourselves. So nice to hear from you. You’ve have done a great job letting His light shine through you! My only memories of you are found ones.

  2. Suzette Says:

    I must say, I think we all have traits on this list, me included. I wanna thank you for your honesty and for this list. I need to get to work. I struggle most with my mouth, tongue. Im known as an outspoken person. I say how I feel and that is when its good or bad. I wanna be more gentle with my tongue. Its something I’ve ALWAYS struggled with. Your honestly is humbling and powerful. I’ve enjoyed reading this blog. Thank you Carolyn!

    • The more confidence He builds in me the more I am able to speak out in truth without much fear, but if I let myself take over I will speak out with a swaying sword. It can be a fine line to speak out the truth and remain humble and respectful.
      When I feel someone’s talking to me in a kinda attacking or insulting way my tongue is put to the ultimate test, cause it doesn’t want to do what it should do.
      I really look forward to getting to know you more.

  3. Teri Miller Says:

    oh. wow.
    there are no words.
    this is huge, HUGE insight.
    Painful, awful, terrible truth. I’m weeping with you, friend, at the pain of self-discovery. And yet also rejoicing with you, at the hope of bringing this-present-darkness into the light.

    You are such an incredible, seeking woman, and you hugely inspire me.

    okay, and the cat poo analogy…that’s just dang funny.

    love & hugs & ever-more-expectant prayers for resurrection –

    • I so want the truth that I am willing to take the pain. I want to change and this is what I have to do! I believe we get to used to living in these destructive habits that we actually don’t even realize when we are doing them. If I read the list regularly and pray for His help I know He will convict me every time I slip-up and slowly there will be less and less slip-ups.
      Love & hugs right back to ya,

  4. Nina Nelson Says:

    Guilty. Ugh. So guilty.

  5. Deb Says:

    I love your heart and your soul!

    • Thank you Deb! If you can see my heart and soul then I am doing something right. It was great to hear your voice tonight. I know what a strong D you are and yet you have such a sweetness in your voice. Thanks for the references also.

  6. A Nonny Mouse Says:

    Let me warm up the printer. I believe this list belongs on my wall, or my mirror. Awesome, Carolyne. Stuff I need to be reminded of.


    • I don’t think I could be reminded enough! I even enlarged it to like a 24, there will be no missing it! We truly have to make intentional efforts in EVERYTHING we do!
      Your picture is so fitting. It reminds me of Mouse Mess that we just read today.

  7. I’ll be the first guy to post and bravely state that you’ve identified about half of the problems in my marriage. There, I said it for the whole world to see!

    The other half, is me and the list that exists somewhere for husbands.

    Wonderful insight and great word picture, but if I ever visit your house I’ll bring the cake, okay? 🙂



    • James, Amen to you! Your amazing character is shining through. It absolutely takes strength to speak the truth. I don’t know why we convince ourselves that if we don’t admit or say it then it must not be real? You will never get through any struggle if you can’t even be honest about it.
      Thank you so much for making me laugh so hard. That was just what I needed late at night! I gonna be waiting for that cake someday.
      God bless,

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