This past Saturday I took my daughter to a wonderful Mother daughter tea hosted by our local Christian homeschool group. I expected to have some great fellowship, maybe meet some new like-minded people, my daughter would get to know some other young girls, & I would learn how to better raise up my Dita in Christ. Apparently God had other plans!
Our speaker was Stacy McDonald http://yoursacredcalling.com/blog/ and I was really excited to hear her speak as I revere the message that she and her husband represent. Their love for the Lord, their understanding of the roles of a man and a woman, their Holy marriage, and for raising their children as God has instructed them. So much to learn and apply from them!
Right from the start of Stacy’s first talk my ears were on fire. Ya know when everything the speaker says pretty much applies to you-CONVICTION! Here is a powerful list she shared with us:
How to Tear Down Your House in 12 Easy Steps.
• Be hyper critical of your husband and children & nag them constantly (men especially love this!)
• Ignore the housework
• Put your husband down
• Be unfaithful & untrustworthy (Prov. 31:11-12)
• Be careless and sloppy about your appearance
• Be lazy and carelessly spend money
• Gossip about your family
• Use your tongue as a weapon
• Refuse to submit to your husband
• Be covetous of what others have
• Disrespect your husband to your children
• Watch soap operas and fantasize about how much kinder, attentive, and romantic other husbands are.
No sooner had the first arrow pierced my heart then the second one, and the third, and they just kept comin. I am guilty of at least 9 sometimes 10 of the above steps and I really didn’t like hearing it!
Then as if that wasn’t enough I heard some words that I hadn’t really heard before, a contemptuous wife . As I listened to her describe what a contemtuous wife looks like I just started wrestling with God saying’ “Oh, Oh, Come on Lord really? Me? Oh my!”
I looked up the meaning in the dictionary and was even more convicted at what I found.
Contemptuous means showing or expressing contempt or disdain; scornful.
Listen to its synonyms: disdainful, sneering, insolent, arrogant, supercilious, haughty.
And for the ultimate arrow to my heart the antonym of contemptuous is RESPECTFUL. Did you hear that? A contemptuous wife is a disrepectful wife in her ultimate form. Ok, mercy Jesus I am hearing ya.
Here is my confession: I am such a contemptuous wife and I have been for probably all of my marriage.
And I wonder why all my great and wonderful efforts have not produced the sweetest of fruit? Why, I have been a good wife, at times a great wife and still my marriage has remained friutless. I put forth a righteous and great effort with my children and yet at times we seem so far away from the goal.
It would be like me making you the best and most beautiful birthday cake you could ever dream of. Then I bring it to with a big pleased smile on my face just waiting to see your joy. When you look down at the cake your eyes miss all the beauty because they can’t stray away from the piece of cat poo poo right in the middle of the cake. Doesn’t matter how wonderful or how much effort I put into the cake, if it is tainted by a cat turd on top of it isn’t worth ANYTHING and ALL MY EFFORTS & INTENTIONS ARE WORTHLESS.
Wow! Cake and a cat turd pretty much just summed up most of what I have been struggling and wrestling with for years!
It doesn’t matter if I am married to the most amazing man in the world or Ivan the Terrible, my contemptuous behavior is a reflection of ME. A rather ugly reflection I might add. This doesn’t excuse or justify a husbands “bad behavior” it just holds me accountable for me regardless of my circumstances.
God has more than convicted me and it didn’t feel so good, but at the same time I know this will lead to a deeper understanding, healing, & change; if I listen to His truths. I have printed out this list and now have it taped to my kitchen cupboard so I can continually remind myself where I am no longer willing to go!
Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
Is that the kind of wife you want to be? Not I Lord, not I.