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That’s it I Give Up…..Finally! May 15, 2011

Filed under: Journey to the Core — redeemingcarolyne @ 1:11 am

First thing this morning I stumbled to the stove to start making my spinach mushroom quiche for the mom’s brunch I was supposed to be at by 9:30 this morning. I kicked Mayo off the computer insisting he put on Jeremy Camp’s song Give Me Jesus  .  My uncoffeed self, grumbling through my breath      I reeeeeallllllly NEED Jesus!

Song after song, prayer after prayer all the while slapping my little muffin quiches together, He ever so gently began to move me.  So, what else does one do in the midst of multi-tasking……..write a blog of course.  While almost burning the little quiches I write my quickest blog yet, but still with the same passion, faith, & beliefs as all  the rest.

I may not always hear God when I want to hear Him, but I do have the faith to know He is ALWAYS right here. When He is ready to knock me off my feet His voice will resound loud and clear. Today was one of those days.

As women love to do we all started talking away at the woman’s brunch, but God seemed to know what I needed to hear and I got to have a one on one conversation.  I don’t even know how we got on the subject, but my sister in Christ began to share some of her personal story that had an immense impact on me. Her husband is a man I greatly respect. His strong faith and good old values just shine through him. He has the kind of Santa Claus look, peaceful and honoring.  I think at some point I even made the comparison and said why can’t my husband be like that?

As my friend began to share some very personal details of her marriage my heart became filled with conviction. She and her husband have been married for 35 years, of which the first 20 were really difficult. WooHoo! I’m going on 16, does that mean only 4 more years of devastation? Her feelings of abandonment, depression, disrespect, loneliness, & carrying the family without male leadership just echoed through my heart as I know them all to well.

Simply from a conversation, God used this to uncover an ember of hope in the heap of ashes. A man whom I look up to and think is a pretty neat guy was once walking on the wrong path just as  my own husband has been. I have lost hope in my husband and God has given me just enough of a sliver to keep holding on.

And if I wasn’t already wowed enough……right as I am pulling into the driveway a new song that I have never heard before plays on the radio and pierces my heart.

This……this beautiful prayer of a song…….is my prayer to you sweet Jesus. It is my prayer for both of us.


One Response to “That’s it I Give Up…..Finally!”

  1. oh yes, a prayer – a longing – can I let go?
    Can I let YOU, Jesus?

    Carolyne, you teach me, you inspire me – God speaks thru you, even in the depths of your pain & struggle. Thank you. Thank you for letting us in.

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