Redeemingcarolyne's Blog

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Ya Don’t Have To Look Ugly To BE Ugly June 22, 2011

Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 4:07 am

Ya know what?…..I just don’t even want to. But God…..ugh!    

Why ME? Why do I have to be burdened with this?

I DON’t have what it takes~Lord…..pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Really God….after everything I have done for you….this is what I deserve?

What if…….I had….If only……….I was………

But I was so dumb and lost when I did this…….doesn’t that excuse me?

He is NEVER going to change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t even think I like him!!

We don’t even share the same core values, I mean come on!  COME! ON!  

Isn’t this injustice Lord?…..Isn’t it..………Isn’t it…….the life of a wicked sinner?

Oh, yeah, thanks for the reminder~that’s ME a wicked sinner! And to what do I deserve? Absolutely NOTHING!

In-spite of seeing His truth…… of seeing through His eyes these are all the treacherous lies that Satan  has plagued my head with~and this was the nice version.  It takes a conscience effort daily to ward them off. I can see, I can understand, and yet I still…… have to battle my losing war?

The Evil one is persistent and will Never stop his attacks~especially when his prey is so readily convinced. All it takes is one tiny negative thought to come in and I am quickly overflowing.

And again with my never-ceasing persistence I come to you Lord. I come to You with arms open wide in total surrender.  To be told again and again and again that I CAN’T do this without you LORD……I simply am NOT enough. I come to ask you to show me Your everything in ME. Your complete….Your fulfilled…..Your Holy life for me……Your will NOT my own!

In the desperation of my plea Your loving hand extends I can only pray as I crawl, and begin to walk again, that it will be so much longer this time before I fall right back into Satan’s lair. The sin of my thoughts,  the sin of my half a heart, & the sin of my words.

No, NO!  Not how much longer! How do I conquer this one once and for ALL Lord? How do I put this dragon to rest, NEVER to wake again?

What has that naughty, little, prowling lion been whispering in your ear?


2 Responses to “Ya Don’t Have To Look Ugly To BE Ugly”

  1. Not.
    Not a good enough hostess, not a good enough wife, not a good enough mother, not a good enough daughter-in-law.
    Never measuring up, especially not to all the perfect-people around me, visiting me, judging me.
    I wanna tell myself so. But my heart still feels not-good-enough. My heart still feels judged, for the unfinished house, the messy-muddy yard, the undone thank-you cards, the never-good-enoughs….
    Lies, Lord. Help me believe it, Jesus; help me believe Your truth.

    • Not only because I know you do I know these are lies, but that is what makes His death so much more perfect and beautiful for us. Right there in His blood on the cross was Miss Teri made good enough! Regardless of what you do or don’t do you’ve already been made good enough for God~AMEN for that!

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