Redeemingcarolyne's Blog

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Are you a vocal man-beater? February 14, 2012

Filed under: Journey to the Core,marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 6:26 am

If I asked most any good-willed person if they thought inflicting physical harm upon another human being was wrong, I most assuredly would get an undoubtedly YES, response.  Not only wrong but rather heinous & horrendous.  I most certainly agree and in NO way am I going to lesson the impact of this kind of tragedy but I want take a look at another area of devastation that far too often is simply brushed off as a yeah yeah yeah just get over it.  You know the old sticks and stones can break my bones but words can NEVER hurt me.

Wow, I don’t think that could be further from the truth!  Have  you ever had a cut, a wound, or a bruise?  Yes, it hurts, even deeper when unjustly inflicted from another.  Yet in a relatively short period of time the physical wound heals and is gone.  Is there an emotional wound attached with that? Absolutely, and that can be treacherous…..I am not alleviating that just stay with me and hear me out.  I have unfortunately experienced unjust physical wounds and I would not wish that upon anyone, but if you asked me what were the most crushing events of your life, honestly……that would NOT be one of the first things I’d remember.

The MOST painfilled times I can remember involve a sense of aloneness, worthlessness, being undesirable, being invisible, or completely misunderstood. Those spoken and unspoken words that you have NO security in the one who should love you, and not only are you NOT wanted, but a complete nothing.

Blood can be wiped away, capillaries repair themselves, & the multiple shades of the bruises fades, but what about the fatal blows to my spirit, to my heart, to my mind?  Internal bleeding can go on for years without even being diagnosed and when it is, how much of life has already slipped away?  These Mariana trenches can take years of tenacious effort to completely heal and overcome.

Psalm 57:4  My soul is among lions;
I lie among the sons of men
Who are set on fire,
Whose teeth are spears and arrows,
And their tongue a sharp sword.

Psalm 64:2-3    Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked,
From the rebellion of the workers of iniquity,
Who sharpen their tongue like a sword,
And bend their bows to shoot their arrows—bitter words,

Psalm 140:2-3     Who plan evil things in their hearts;
They continually gather together for war.
 They sharpen their tongues like a serpent;
The poison of asps is under their lips. Selah

There are so many references in God’s Word about the tongue I could go on and on. At times it can be our most powerful weapon with our subjects in waiting for their impending death.

Now here is where God’s convicting comes in. The following is an excerpt from the book Love and Respect. It is from a letter that was sent in to Dr. Eggerichs from a husband in response to his wife’s efforts on implementing unconditional respect towards him.

“….it faded away like a mist. She returned to her old self. She has not trusted me due to her relationship with her father.  She has in the past been a VOCAL MAN-BEATER with her negative thoughts and comments about men, in general. I feel like an orphan in my own home. I feel like a husband with no wife.  What I do experience of her presence is her critical, negative, hostile, and judgmental attitude…..My emotions for my wife are being buried daily by her attitude towards me when she makes me feel less than a man.”

As I scrape my heart up off of the floor I must confess how guilty, as Christian wife, I am of this.  Vocal Man-beater, let that sink in for a minute.  Pretty harsh huh? Also……VERY true!

Critical, negative, hostile, and judgmental attitude…….are any of those reigning true for you?  Are you letting the world convince you, you are just expressing your emotions, or he deserves it, or I can’t help it he really makes me mad-EXCUSES!  These are nothing more than excuses to pacify our self-righteousness.

What if God unlocked the power of what being a 1 Peter 3 girl could do in your marriage? That purity and reverence lived out in your life, and the gentle quiet spirit that is of great worth to God.

What if…….instead of being a vocal Man-beater you became a vocal Man-esteemer?  Could that resurrect life into your gradually dying husband?  Stop trying to do it on your own…..LET Him into your heart and allow the transformation to begin unto completion!


4 Responses to “Are you a vocal man-beater?”

  1. In my totally-biased, but still-honest opinion…
    this is THE BEST post you have EVER WRITTEN. Everything about it.

    Convicting words. Powerful pictures.
    Truth, confession, vulnerability.

    You led me to the irrefutable, soul-piercing reality of God’s Word…on the power of my words in my marriage. Something I need to be reminded of every. single. day.

    This is such a keeper.
    Thank you, Carolyne.

    • I am laughin at the totally biased. I am still bewildered how I can completely GET IT…His word, and yet struggle so deeply in living it out. Why do I fight Him so much?
      Daily, intentional effort FOR SURE!
      I am so blessed by your words,

  2. Great words Caroline … I plan to share this!

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