Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 1:21 am
17 years ago today, while completely blinded to God’s creation of marriage, I entered into a lifelong union with Alfonso Jimenez Blanco. It has been many powerful, challenging, and ever surprising years that ultimately have lead me to the feet of Christ.Through painstakingly walking in & out of the trenches I claim victory today…….I claim victory in Christ because this marriage belongs to Him! I embrace celebrating 17 years of marriage.
Satan can keep his nasty little paws OFF my marriage, OFF my husband, & AWAY from my household!
This princess warrior has been training to fight for 39 years and I shall NOT cease until He takes me home.
Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 4:24 am
I have been hearing this song on the radio a lot lately and kinda liked it but really didn’t think much of it. Then today, I hear an interview from the singer and my eyes are opened to the real heart of the song. Too funny, before hearing this interview I had not even related this song to marriage
….or maybe I just wasn’t really listening at ALL!
Here is a copy of what Matt Kearney said about his song Ships in the Night.
It’s not exactly something you expect to hear in an interview with the singer-songwriter. But Kearney is a guy who first picked up a guitar during college (while on a soccer scholarship) and just a few years later finds himself touring with Train. So perhaps you should expect the unexpected.
The topic of PMS came up when talking about the story behind Kearney’s most recent single “Ships In the Night,” which he wrote after making up with his wife. He explained that he had the idea for the title before the song came to him.
“It’s about two people trying to connect. Me and my wife got in
a fight on the way to the airport. So I’m leaving and we’re sitting in the car not talking to each other,” he said. “She had cramps or something and I was late because of it to the airport so I missed my flight. It was not the best.”
On his connecting flight he called his wife to apologize.
“We’re talking and we’re making up and I was taking notes, sitting there writing everything down we were saying. I was like, ‘This is such a good song!’”
He continued to joke that he’s the first man to talk about PMS in a song, “‘You had cramps and I was late,’ it says it in there,” he said.
“PMS is no joke man,” Kearney said, who’s been married to his wife Annie since June 2010. “It’s hard man, when you just want chocolate and you’re *#@*@#@ — and you don’t know why you’re mad.”
Ok, so now that you have that basis listen to the song and take in the lyrics
Ever been there done that? How bout a million times!!!!!!
This reminds me of some wonderful wisdom I learned from Ken de Koning, who wrote 1 Plus 1=One http://www.1plus1equalsone.com/ There is a chapter called, Fighting Fair relating to marriage as being a team. “When your team loses, there are no winners on your team only on the opposing team.” You BOTH win or you BOTH LOSE NOT one or the other!!! Guess who is on the opposing team? Satan, and he delights in your losses. Genesis 2:24 profoundly teaches us For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Sometimes what feels like losing for a moment is really winning for lifetime. What are you WILLING to let go of so your marriage team will WIN?
If I asked most any good-willed person if they thought inflicting physical harm upon another human being was wrong, I most assuredly would get an undoubtedly YES, response. Not only wrong but rather heinous & horrendous. I most certainly agree and in NO way am I going to lesson the impact of this kind of tragedy but I want take a look at another area of devastation that far too often is simply brushed off as a yeah yeah yeah just get over it. You know the old sticks and stones can break my bones but words can NEVER hurt me.
Wow, I don’t think that could be further from the truth! Have you ever had a cut, a wound, or a bruise? Yes, it hurts, even deeper when unjustly inflicted from another. Yet in a relatively short period of time the physical wound heals and is gone. Is there an emotional wound attached with that? Absolutely, and that can be treacherous…..I am not alleviating that just stay with me and hear me out. I have unfortunately experienced unjust physical wounds and I would not wish that upon anyone, but if you asked me what were the most crushing events of your life, honestly……that would NOT be one of the first things I’d remember.
The MOST painfilled times I can remember involve a sense of aloneness, worthlessness, being undesirable, being invisible, or completely misunderstood. Those spoken and unspoken words that you have NO security in the one who should love you, and not only are you NOT wanted, but a complete nothing.
Blood can be wiped away, capillaries repair themselves, & the multiple shades of the bruises fades, but what about the fatal blows to my spirit, to my heart, to my mind? Internal bleeding can go on for years without even being diagnosed and when it is, how much of life has already slipped away? These Mariana trenches can take years of tenacious effort to completely heal and overcome.
Psalm 57:4 My soul is among lions;
I lie among the sons of men
Who are set on fire,
Whose teeth are spears and arrows,
And their tongue a sharp sword.
Psalm 64:2-3 Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked,
From the rebellion of the workers of iniquity,
Who sharpen their tongue like a sword,
And bend their bows to shoot their arrows—bitter words,
Psalm 140:2-3 Who plan evil things in their hearts;
They continually gather together for war. They sharpen their tongues like a serpent;
The poison of asps is under their lips. Selah
There are so many references in God’s Word about the tongue I could go on and on. At times it can be our most powerful weapon with our subjects in waiting for their impending death.
Now here is where God’s convicting comes in. The following is an excerpt from the book Love and Respect. It is from a letter that was sent in to Dr. Eggerichs from a husband in response to his wife’s efforts on implementing unconditional respect towards him.
“….it faded away like a mist. She returned to her old self. She has not trusted me due to her relationship with her father. She has in the past been a VOCAL MAN-BEATER with her negative thoughts and comments about men, in general. I feel like an orphan in my own home. I feel like a husband with no wife. What I do experience of her presence is her critical, negative, hostile, and judgmental attitude…..My emotions for my wife are being buried daily by her attitude towards me when she makes me feel less than a man.”
As I scrape my heart up off of the floor I must confess how guilty, as Christian wife, I am of this. VocalMan-beater, let that sink in for a minute. Pretty harsh huh? Also……VERY true!
Critical, negative, hostile, and judgmental attitude…….are any of those reigning true for you? Are you letting the world convince you, you are just expressing your emotions, or he deserves it, or I can’t help it he really makes me mad-EXCUSES! These are nothing more than excuses to pacify our self-righteousness.
What if God unlocked the power of what being a 1 Peter 3 girl could do in your marriage? That purity and reverence lived out in your life, and the gentle quiet spirit that is of great worth to God.
What if…….instead of being a vocal Man-beater you became a vocal Man-esteemer? Could that resurrect life into your gradually dying husband? Stop trying to do it on your own…..LET Him into your heart and allow the transformation to begin unto completion!
Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 4:31 am
Yeah…rings. Ya know the kind you wear on your finger. So, who cares what’s so special about rings?
Throughout this unimaginable, inexplainable, and defying journey of a marriage I have definitely done some outrageous things, some good and some not so good. Well this one was one of the crazy for the betterment of us...prayerfully.
I know what God has commanded me to do. I don’t always like it, I don’t always understand it, and I certainly don’t always WANT TO! After feeling as though I had exhausted all the attempts thus far, with perseverance I tried another.
It is a fine line to say I am here, here for good fighting for us, but I am NOT willing to walk IN your sin with you. I am NOT willing to participate in the unhealthy and devastating nature of our current marriage. With a note of raw, hard honesty I removed those wedding bands from my finger and placed them in an envelope and left it for my husband.
It was a blatant statement to profess what God has shown me over these years, that a marriage can NEVER experience its full glory outside of Him, our creator.
Mark 11:24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
For those of you saying, “Doesn’t that kinda sound everything the opposite of committed to your marriage?” “Aren’t you kinda walkin away?” Not at all, my efforts were to convey a whole commitment to Christ, and to live out our marriage in and through Him. Yet there is a key element in the cord of three strands….
Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
…..for it to come to fruition it NEEDS the willing participation of three. I was in, God was in,but were did my husband stand? This gave him my clear beliefs, my stance, and the choice to choose. A marriage braided in Christ or a marriage destroying everything in its path.
Needless to say, my aspirations were NOT received well, but scoffed only leaving me to wait, wonder, and to pray.
6 MONTHS have passed without even a whisper or a hint. In fact, things have gotten more bleak and intensely difficult.
TODAY…..this day I got a glimpse, a sneak peak into the work that He is doing right now……inside of my husband. I woke to find my rings laid out in waiting…..waiting to be placed back on the finger of whom they belong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, everything is all better now-right? NO! My marriage isn’t mystically fixed, my troubles are NOT all gone……I have simply gotten the priveledge of the firsthand experience of just what God can do.…..even when you’re not looking.
Is my prodigal husband home, ready and willing to fully dedicate this marriage to Christ?No……..but he is on his way and that….that is a beautiful piece of hope that I will clasp onto. I have had the honor of having some amazing Christians tenaciously praying for this marriage and the God-sized miracle to occur, that total transformation of our hearts. I BELIEVE…..I BELIEVE IN WHAT my JESUS CAN DO.
Some day, maybe next year, next month, or even in the next decade, but one day it is my fervent prayer to be remarried TO MY HUSBAND in a church unto Christ and I think this song will play as I glide down to the alter.
Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 1:46 pm
1 Corinthians 13; 1-3 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do nothave love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
His words speak softly and resound like thunder.
Can you see the powerful conviction in this verse????? List after list of good things, commendable things, Godly things……yet, all missing one key ingredient LOVE. So what do I become when I do great things without a whole Christ-like heart? I am like a gong or a cymbal…can you just hear that resounding in the background right now? Who enjoys hearing that! It also says that I AM nothing…..I GAIN nothing……NOTHING all without LOVE.
Could this be it…..could this be my prescription for what TO DO and my diagnosis for why what I have been doing has failed?
So, really….I CAN’T do all my good wife stuff and then want to push my husband off the edge of a cliff! I CAN’T do all my good wife stuff and then wish him for dead! Yeah….I am guilty of both of those and much more.
But God….it is NOT fair…..I am only acting this way because of his unjust treatment…because of his unjust words…..I DON’T DESERVE IT!!!!! I DON’T know HOW to handle it.
Do I deserve or have I asked for many of the excruciating circumstances that I daily have to fight my way through? Absolutely NOT! Did Christ deserve to die a heinous death on the Cross for the forgiveness of my sins? Absolutely NOT! Yet….He did! He loved us so much He was willing to take on the wrath of God for ALL the sins of humanity.
1 John 4:9-11 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
I am NOT being called to be humiliated, whipped, scourged, stabbed, utterly tortured, and then nailed to a Cross….I am mearly being called by the Holy Spirit to love my husband NO matter what.
Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 3:16 am
First I need to make one thing clear. God is doing some amazing revealing, but that in NO way negates my husbands responsibility for his sinful actions. He has a Maker and he will be held accountable for his choices.
What is does mean is that I am fully and fearfully embracing that God is sovereign, He is the ruler over…..EVERTHING. Every beauty, every laugh, every ugly, even everything hideous and haneous….HE IS IN EVERYTHING, the maker of the whole universe and everything in it. Now, that doesn’t mean that free will and evil don’t exist….cause they do and that royally stinks. Thank you Adam and Eve! Yeah, you men are sayin thank you Eve! What is does mean is that even though it is beyond our understanding God’s light is ALWAYS shining He NEVER leaves us, yeah even in the darkest and most horrible of moments.
It is so hard for us to grasp that God could really be present among us in the midst of such travesty and destruction…but HE IS! Thanks to Ann Voskamp and her book One Thousand Gifts I have a much clearer understanding of this. She explains how God’s light is always shining and Satan and evil are just a mere shawdow in that light covering it up to we can’t see or fully see Him. The more I seek him out in the ugliest of ugly the greater His light will shine. If I tenaciously persevere for Christ soon that shawdow will be no more and all you will see is……His radiant light.
So, in the years and years of my good wife actions and good wife attempts…….nothing changed, NOTHING CHANGED!!!!!!! How can that be? I mean it is NOT like I am the sinner…..I am the sweet good wife.
God, shows me a word…..hypocrite. Ouch…that word just sounds bad doesn’t it? OOH, to fully drive the new nails in the the old nails out….there is the definition. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
Oh, surely that is not me….I’m not that kind of person.
I read my books, I listen to Dr. Dobson, I pray, I go to church, I go to conferences, even counseling……and I……cook his dinners and try to look all pretty, and try to be all supportive, and……and…..
All the while though my efforts were good and I even meant them…..except……what about my heart…the spirit of my intentions?
Proverbs 4:23Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
That would make what flows out a scheming, seething, hate-filled, resenting heart be what?
Luke 6:43-45“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
The abundance of the heart his mouth speaks, look what my heart was abundant in……coldness, blackness, and even filled with death. It was with this heart that I poured out love, with this heart that I played the part of the good wife…….it was out of this heart that venom was continuously spewed.
If as a Christian wife I am called on to love my husband as Christ loves me…to show him Christ likeness in all that I do…….that is NOT humanly possible with a snarling, seeking to leave, all along despising heart. Oh, but….I want my marriage to work, really I do. I mean look at how hard I am workin at it…and he does…does nothing! I mean, never mind that all my efforts have been made with one leg out the door. That can’t have anything to do with why this marriage hasn’t worked…can it?
These are deep, intense, painful truths yet I KNOW as I walk through them constantly seeking His truth the beautiful ugly will become gorgeous.
Filed under: marriage — redeemingcarolyne @ 4:18 am
Godly responses to an unGodly marriage? How do ya do it? Am I capable of putting my humanness aside and fully embracing my marriage life in Christ? Can my prayer I surrender in Your grace I ask You to become first in my day be fully lived out?
Can it ever be made Holy when it started out in Sin? What about years of devastation, excruciating pain, and even abuse? Surely that is just too far gone….that is just too much for God. Ya know, He can create an entire world and universe in 6 days, but He can’t save my little old crummy marriage.
17 years ago we raced into this more than willing to do things wrong, our way, was God even IN the picture? Was my pure whole heart ever there…..even in the beginning? I don’t think so. I did what was right….I did what I had to. I did……what served ME. Seems I had the order of things backwards while holding our 3 week old son at our wedding. So, I told myself I could do this. I mean I had to it, wasn’t it the right thing to do~ right?
Didn’t seem to take more than a day and the devastation had begun. Was I really that blind? I couldn’t have foreseen the evil that was to come? Ok…this royally stinks…but I am just gonna keep doin the right thing cause that is……what you do. But how do ya do the right thing…what is the right thing to do anyway? So alone….no friends for advice….no family with sound advice. But hey, I am strong…I can do it!
Didn’t take more than the first excruciating experience for my heart to turn to black, to begin to seethe and loathe…..the one I am with. As my heart plummeted to the floor all I could say was it is NEVER going to work. Circumstance after circumstance tore my heart to shreds completely consuming it with hopelessness.
But…I can do this remember…..I HAVE to do this! I mean I already have 3 little ones 4 and under. For them……I have to do this. I always longed to have that beautiful family……that perfect family, it was all I ever really wanted. As my heart turned stone cold, my actions did the opposite. I went to counseling, I took excellent care of the kids, attended church, cooked great dinners and served my husband. I was a GOOD wife~right? My mind put forth decent honest efforts……my body put forth honest decent efforts…….except…..the devastation only worsened.
So what is goin on Lord, I am the gooood wife, doing all her gooood wife things and the destruction is unstoppable, without even a hint of improvement. So this lovely little yo yo act continued for years and years and years.
I was the good wife, doing her good wife stuff with her big bad meany husband...how can this really be? More children add to the picture but not even for them is this getting any better. God I don’t know what I am supposed to do echoed in my head again and again.
Through the untrue smiles, words, and actions my heart became completely consumed with despising, disrespecting, and repulsion. Towards what or whom? My own husband and my marriage. With every challenging dysfunctional act that was thrust my way my black widow heart filled with the poison of death constantly secretly planning its avenging. I’m gonna show him, that’s it someday I WILL leave, I wish you for dead, hope I NEVER see you again, I HATE you, I don’t love you, you are worth nothing, you stink at everything…and that’s the PG version of this very wicked heart. So how does that work if I am the good wife doin all her good wife things?
God is going to reveal exactly how that works or doesn’t work in part 2!